Plot Twist!

41 more days

My book (that’s seriously, SO close to being done) is structured around a 2017 solo road trip I took from Maine to California.

I had just left my evangelical church and quit my job at an anti-abortion pregnancy center. I found Heather, my therapist, and I learned that sure, I was pretty screwed up because of religion, but even more so because of my mother’s cruel and fucked-up behavior when I was a kid. Fun times!

No surprise to anyone (who was not in religion and who was not my mother) that I felt confused and lonely and angry. I had spent decades erasing my wants and needs for an invisible God who stayed borderline pissed at me. Then people at my church elected Trump to the presidency. It was TOO MUCH. My marriage was rocky at best, my kids were in their twenties, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.

I was almost 50 and I just wanted out.

So I shoved bags of shorts and flip-flops and tank tops and sunscreen into my old blue Volkswagen Passat. I called Dinah, my one-year-old German shepherd into the backseat. I drove away with a giant terrified knot in my chest under a still-dark sky dotted with stars on a frozen February morning.

WE WERE BOTH SO YOUNG!

The book is about how I drove all the way to my Colorado hometown and reimagined some of the most traumatic moments of my childhood. I literally talked out loud to my child selves and changed the story.

YES I felt crazy doing it, but you guys, IT WORKED.

That was nine years ago and my book is almost done.

This fall, Dinah turns eleven and in 41 DAYS I’m going on another road trip.

And this time it’s permanent.

After that last trip, I drove back to Maine and built a new life. I made friends. I created a home. I learned how not to be always confused and lonely and angry. This time, I don’t want out; I love what I’ve built here. But I want to live near my kids. And honestly, I’m a little tired of the snow.

I worry I won’t make new friends and it makes my chest feel knotty and panicky.

But I keep reminding myself I know how to make friends now and I will find new like-minded people. And I’ll get to invite my kids out for pizza as much as I want.

Have you ever moved across the country (or to the next town over) and even if you were excited, you felt like you might not survive? I keep asking myself if this is the right thing. How can a person know? Is right or wrong even a thing when it comes to following your heart?

The packing is underway. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Shout outs:

To my friend Leanne who lives on the CA coast which will be an 8 hour drive from my new home. She told me there will be daily hour-long flights between us so we can basically see each other every day.

To my friend Catherine who I road-tripped two hours to meet a few weeks ago in N. Conway, NH. We read portions of each other’s books that are SO SO close to being done. She already lives too far away in Vermont and now she will be impossibly farther, but I don’t want to think about that.

To my Philly-friend Kelly’s sister Erin who is one of the coolest and most confident people I’ve ever met. She recently took an amazing and rather nightmarish road trip from Oregon to Philly. Go read her story, and the ongoing follow ups. Everything she writes is relatable and will make you smile.

Lastly, a doggy feel-good for the day of my sweet girl Dinah at The Brown Dog Inn where she’s been going since she was a pup. Scroll through to see all her perfection!

xoxo