The Crisis Pregnancy Center Newsletter that Fuels my Hate Fire

Yes, I still subscribe.

Photo by Paul Bulai on Unsplash

It’s been eight years since I left my job at an evangelical “crisis pregnancy center.” I stopped believing in their cause while I still worked there. Having spent decades as one of the faithful, I stopped believing in their God soon after I left.

Retrospect and distance has shown me that their practices were damaging to women. Yet, I can’t bring myself to cancel my subscription to their Praises and Prayers newsletter. I guess it’s like Rebel Wilson’s character says in Pitch Perfect, after a boy throws a burrito at her face,

“Leave it. It fuels my hate fire.”

That’s exactly it.

Here are some highlights from the most recent letter.

First, there was this:

Praises for two “unexpected” pregnancies with the moms choosing life.

Notice the word, “unexpected” in quotes. That is strategic. They believe there is no such thing as an “unplanned” or “unexpected” pregnancy. Every pregnancy is planned and expected by God.

Notice the word “moms.” Staff and volunteers are trained to call women who have a positive pregnancy test, Mom. It is a cruel, manipulative practice. It is meant to shame women into choosing not to abort, or to be riddled with lifelong shame if they do.

Next, there was this:

Praises for the teen couple choosing life and wanting to take parenting classes.

Choosing life. For whom? For a fetus that won’t be viable for months? Or for two teenage brains that won’t mature until age twenty-five?

The crucial, most formative years of their child’s life will be parented by two people whose brains aren’t fully formed.

I was one of those children. I was also one of those parents.

But the One that Really Pissed Me Off:

Prayers for our mom with the courage to deal with her childhood trauma issues, who’s encouraged by her child’s unconditional love

There are so many problems with this ignorant statement. Children don’t love unconditionally. They love selfishly, because they cannot care for themselves. Needy infants and toddlers can trigger people still mired in trauma. They can make a young parent feel trapped. Churches will tell desperate mothers to talk to their pastor, or better yet, an older church lady, who will likely pray and encourage the mother to lay all her burdens at the foot of the cross.

You guys. I DID this. Countless times, I placed a gigantic pile of sadness and need at the bottom of Jesus’ cross. And guess what? NOTHING HAPPENED.

In fact, I didn’t face my unresolved pain until I left the church and found a real therapist when I was forty-nine years old.

I still grieve those lost years. Those lost DECADES.

Unconditional love? Try a dog, not a baby.

Last one. It’s longer:

Prayers for our state which sadly has become one of the most permissive abortion states in the country. The Commonwealth Fund of New England released its annual "Women's Health and Reproductive Care" report in late summer. Maine earned "First Place" for its number of abortion clinics per women of childbearing age. The national average is 1.5 abortion clinics per 100,000. Maine has 12.9, showing how it is easier to get an abortion in Maine than in any other state.

I’ll spare you the prayer and Bible verse that follows.

Understand that I worked with these women. I prayed with them.

They are kind and genuinely wanted to help people. A couple of them admitted, privately, that they didn’t believe abortion should be illegal. And the ones that wanted it criminalized had motives that came from a good, if ignorant, heart.

I don’t say this to excuse them, but to acknowledge that they were, and are, ill-informed. Think of Trump supporters who only watch Fox News. My coworkers listened only to Christian radio. Read only Christian books and periodicals. Frequented anti-choice websites that equated abortion to mass genocide and compared it to the Holocaust.

They sincerely believed that ending pregnancies is no different from mass-murdering millions of grown adults. It brought them to tears. And rightfully so—IF abortion were equivalent to the Holocaust. But it isn’t.

Also, they responded to the needs of poor, single mothers with prayer. They claimed that God would be with these women and give them what they needed.

That’s the belief.

That God, who allowed the children of Sandy Hook to suffer mass murder, would save the underprivileged single mothers.

It’s a head-scratcher.

And a fucking tragedy.

You guys, these people will not change. They are brainwashed. Indoctrinated. Their entire identity is entwined in these beliefs. Opening their eyes to the opposite way of thinking feels impossible to them. It would cause them to lose everything.

Trust me. I know.

Please, vote blue on Tuesday.

Women deserve health care. We deserve bodily autonomy. We deserve to make our own personal choices about what our bodies need.

But I urge you, keep your ear to the ground. Hear what the other side is saying. Yes, I know, it can be hard not to employ a scorched-earth reply.

Instead, vote blue.

xoxo