“The pastor laughed. Not a cruel laugh. He sounded surprised. He explained that writing wasn’t one of the spiritual gifts in the Bible.” I felt a pain in my chest reading this. Thank God you kept writing.
Oh, Paulla. I think we may have had the same mother. I can feel every bit of pain here. The pastor may not have been intentionally cruel, but the message he delivered was: there is no “you” outside of who I say you are. What he told you was an abomination. I feel so terribly sad that this happened.
But let me tell you that your light was not snuffed out. You took care of it. Protected it. You survived. That light can never be extinguished. I’m so glad we’re here, together, in this lovely Substack community.🙏❤️
Hi Mary, I love this community, too, and I'm sorry you and I had the same mother! But it makes sense then, that you feel the pain here. Thank you for your kind words and generous comment. An abomination - yes - that is such an apt word for what that pastor said/did, intentions notwithstanding!
Aug 5·edited Aug 5Liked by Paulla Rich Estes (she/her)
Oh, Paulla, with two "Ls"...(how I think of you sometimes). When I saw your essay land in my inbox this morning, I was in the midst of doing other things, the sentence that caught my eye was "I told them my spiritual gift was writing." My reaction? YES!!! I think it's my gift, too, but I hadn't acknowledged or thought of it that way until that moment when I read the sentence. You framed it perfectly for me.
I'm here to say that your spiritual gift IS writing. Don't stop, ever. Beautiful words, images, and ideas.
The more I learn, the more I lean into the strong distinction between spirituality and religion, the more I know that I'm a spiritual being, not a religious one. I'm so happy that you've returned to this love of yours. Let it sustain you. You're giving yourself to the world. The other gifts your group mentioned? Leadership, encouragement, hospitality, and teaching? You embody all those traits, and you relay them through your words, your ideas. You don't need a do-over, because they kind of don't exist. Just keep writing. Maybe the time you spent not writing will inform what you create now and going forward. Lots of love to you, and thank you for the inspiration! xo
Oh Nan, thank you. This part made me choke up - "You don't need a do-over, because they kind of don't exist. Just keep writing. Maybe the time you spent not writing will inform what you create now and going forward." Thank you for your generous presence here.
Wow. Thank you, again. That's such a lovely thing to say. I hope I don't disappoint you one of these days! It's always been important to me to acknowledge people. I'm overjoyed to be part of the larger Substack community. After years of the social media downward spiral, it's heavenly to find a platform that contains so many kind folks. xo
Goodness! No wonder you grieve for those lost years of writing, Paulla. I’m glad you’re making up for it now.
And thank you so much for including a link to my Lonely Hearts piece here. This is the first time anyone has included a link to my writing. I am so touched. Glad you enjoyed it.
It’s already been said here, so I’ll echo Marble and Mary Roblyn, that I believe your pastor was not only unkind, but wrong! I believe you deserve to hear (a thousand times…and more) you are loved and cherished. I’m sorry he hurt you (again… I’ve read many of your other posts) by daring to question what you Knew was your gift. Who in their right mind would dare to speak ‘unkindly’ for a (loving?) God! I can’t believe that not one of your (loving?) church family would step in and surround you with the care and respect you and every human deserves. You said it best (in another post) when you said your mother’s terrible unkindness basically “primed” you for a life of accepting such unkindness.
But you’re here… surrounded with care and love, in this beautiful community, sharing those hurtful experiences, to help us all heal together and support one another with long deserved respect. That speaks of your courage and of the true answer (too long buried deep within you) received from a loving Creator.
Wow, @sodaksteve I so appreciate you reading and then taking the time to respond. It is very kind and generous of you. And I agree! It was so wrong. I do believe the people involved in this kind of religion generally mean well and their fervor comes from a place of genuinely believing what they cling to (though of course there are exceptions) but they have no idea the damage it does. I didn't have any idea while I was in it. Most people will never break out and see the world from a completely different angle. I don't harbor any anger toward them (not anymore, haha) but I feel bad that they are still so beaten down and blinded. My goal (through posts like this one) are to extend a hand to anyone who is beginning to see that there might be something else out there. Something freer and better. And that change is possible. Thanks again and best wishes!
“The pastor laughed. Not a cruel laugh. He sounded surprised. He explained that writing wasn’t one of the spiritual gifts in the Bible.” I felt a pain in my chest reading this. Thank God you kept writing.
Thanks so much, Marble. This means so much to me and brought up tears. xoxo
!!! 🫂🤍
Oh, Paulla. I think we may have had the same mother. I can feel every bit of pain here. The pastor may not have been intentionally cruel, but the message he delivered was: there is no “you” outside of who I say you are. What he told you was an abomination. I feel so terribly sad that this happened.
But let me tell you that your light was not snuffed out. You took care of it. Protected it. You survived. That light can never be extinguished. I’m so glad we’re here, together, in this lovely Substack community.🙏❤️
Hi Mary, I love this community, too, and I'm sorry you and I had the same mother! But it makes sense then, that you feel the pain here. Thank you for your kind words and generous comment. An abomination - yes - that is such an apt word for what that pastor said/did, intentions notwithstanding!
Oh, Paulla, with two "Ls"...(how I think of you sometimes). When I saw your essay land in my inbox this morning, I was in the midst of doing other things, the sentence that caught my eye was "I told them my spiritual gift was writing." My reaction? YES!!! I think it's my gift, too, but I hadn't acknowledged or thought of it that way until that moment when I read the sentence. You framed it perfectly for me.
I'm here to say that your spiritual gift IS writing. Don't stop, ever. Beautiful words, images, and ideas.
The more I learn, the more I lean into the strong distinction between spirituality and religion, the more I know that I'm a spiritual being, not a religious one. I'm so happy that you've returned to this love of yours. Let it sustain you. You're giving yourself to the world. The other gifts your group mentioned? Leadership, encouragement, hospitality, and teaching? You embody all those traits, and you relay them through your words, your ideas. You don't need a do-over, because they kind of don't exist. Just keep writing. Maybe the time you spent not writing will inform what you create now and going forward. Lots of love to you, and thank you for the inspiration! xo
Oh Nan, thank you. This part made me choke up - "You don't need a do-over, because they kind of don't exist. Just keep writing. Maybe the time you spent not writing will inform what you create now and going forward." Thank you for your generous presence here.
Thank you. xo
To be clear, I meant all over Substack. You always know precisely the right thing to say. It’s a gift. Thank you!
Wow. Thank you, again. That's such a lovely thing to say. I hope I don't disappoint you one of these days! It's always been important to me to acknowledge people. I'm overjoyed to be part of the larger Substack community. After years of the social media downward spiral, it's heavenly to find a platform that contains so many kind folks. xo
I so agree about this community. And no worries about disappointment! lol
Goodness! No wonder you grieve for those lost years of writing, Paulla. I’m glad you’re making up for it now.
And thank you so much for including a link to my Lonely Hearts piece here. This is the first time anyone has included a link to my writing. I am so touched. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks Wendy. I'm glad to have found you on Substack!
Likewise, Paulla!
It’s already been said here, so I’ll echo Marble and Mary Roblyn, that I believe your pastor was not only unkind, but wrong! I believe you deserve to hear (a thousand times…and more) you are loved and cherished. I’m sorry he hurt you (again… I’ve read many of your other posts) by daring to question what you Knew was your gift. Who in their right mind would dare to speak ‘unkindly’ for a (loving?) God! I can’t believe that not one of your (loving?) church family would step in and surround you with the care and respect you and every human deserves. You said it best (in another post) when you said your mother’s terrible unkindness basically “primed” you for a life of accepting such unkindness.
But you’re here… surrounded with care and love, in this beautiful community, sharing those hurtful experiences, to help us all heal together and support one another with long deserved respect. That speaks of your courage and of the true answer (too long buried deep within you) received from a loving Creator.
Wow, @sodaksteve I so appreciate you reading and then taking the time to respond. It is very kind and generous of you. And I agree! It was so wrong. I do believe the people involved in this kind of religion generally mean well and their fervor comes from a place of genuinely believing what they cling to (though of course there are exceptions) but they have no idea the damage it does. I didn't have any idea while I was in it. Most people will never break out and see the world from a completely different angle. I don't harbor any anger toward them (not anymore, haha) but I feel bad that they are still so beaten down and blinded. My goal (through posts like this one) are to extend a hand to anyone who is beginning to see that there might be something else out there. Something freer and better. And that change is possible. Thanks again and best wishes!
I loved this so much, Paulla. You have a divine gift for writing, and you touch so many with your words. How could anyone try to squash that?
Thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻